The night was creeping over the evening light as Jordan and I walked by the water’s edge. He looked different. Not fatter, but more there. A darker tan, happier, as though a missing jigsaw piece was added to him. Though we were audibly silent by each other’s sides, our unspoken thoughts were chattering and very much heard. We were like that for a while.
I looked up at him and looked down, going red, just as he looked down at me. We walked on in this swirling, near nauseating, chaotic state.
“Jesus, say something.” He let out, frustrated. I hadn’t realised he felt so differently about that moment.
I hesitated,
“Something…?” said I. The following silence was a clear indication of our agreement that that was a lame response. Embarrassed, apologetic, but curious, I checked his expression, and held his gaze for a moment. The muscles in his shoulders lost all stiffness and his serious face became childlike and we giggled. I slid my free arm over those high up shoulders of his and enjoyed the sensation of my head lightly thudding against his firm, warm chest.
He joined me Bucharest two weeks before. I’d been there for month, alone. Since he came, the morning had meaning again, I looked forward to waking up and finding myself in the hotel bedsheets, because I knew I’d be seeing in a few hours.
But for the past two weeks, we had been friends.
Only once I had thudded my head (lightly thudded, that is) on his chest (his warm, and may I add, firm chest, that is) did it occur to me that I really quite liked him…very very much. As in, more than anyone else in the world. This hit me, half a second post thud. I froze. He froze.
Our friendship was one where we didn’t have to verbally say much. My sudden stiffness was an accidental, undeniable statement , a clear indication of how I thought of him.
Apologetic, curious, but not embarrassed, I checked his expression. Those eyes he had were right there. Friendly. We held each other’s gazes, unspoken thoughts racing between us, electric, like a synapse. Returning to our walking positions, we continued in noisy silence. I wasn’t sure if this was a confirmation of mutual feelings, thus this was us setting off on our new life as a pair of passionate lovers, or if this was us ignoring what had been so clearly and accidentally clarified by my awkwardness. I wished it could’ve been both.